Rubberband Man...

I've had some stuff heavy on the brain and yah know, it's been a minute since I have written... guess with everything spinning in my life, just haven't had the brain power to put my words into any form of prose. It is not a rant, but more of an observation and it *could* go both ways, and let me just throw in the disclaimer that seems to always need to be written... this is not inclusive of *all*... just my own take on what I've seen going down.

The whole concept of the rubberband theory... in my circle of g/fs we discuss if it is truly valid, or if it is just an excuse for bad behavior- emotional detachment if you will and here is my current take- it is BS. For those of you scratching your head, I'll bring ya to speed so you can stay with me here. Rubberband theory is the concept that *some* men tend to ebb and flow in relationships. The need for autonomy (independence) from the woman they are in a relationship with- which given the nature of relationships is healthy, if the actions taken are not hurtful to either party.

However, the rubberband theory is these men who are constantly on a relationship emotional menstrual cycle of high and lows. He wants you, he doesn't want you... he is sure, he is not sure... meh. These men who feel the need to draw you in and then push you away- citing whatever emotional disconnection that fits for the moment and allows them to run away are cowards... and unavailable (emotionally, intimately, etc) to boot. Thus, we as women are left hold the 'w.t.h. just happened' bag of poo they decided to drop off at our doorstep aaaaaaand being women, we usually gather a few (hundred) lol of our closest, nearest and dearest to ponder and boil over until we have recovered our 'in-shock' moment.

Then like the beautiful clockwork that life seems to bring... you walk away and he suddenly appears to strive to follow you wherever you're going. Oh helloooooo.... what's going on Rubberband Man?!

I don't have all the answers but I think I have a good feel on this now and let me tell you... I do not think it is positively intentional, but I do think it is a character flaw. The man doesn't want to commit because he isn't ready, because he is still entertaining his options, and sorry, but let me be frank -- those who practice this tug-o-war of the heart are emotionally defunct. He seeks some semblence of control in the matters of HIS heart by playing the strings in your relationship and thinking he can draw ya in... keep ya till he has his needs met and then toss ya back, so he can go play a while longer. It is only when we give this power to these men that the cycle continues to ebb and flow.

Granted, do not get me wrong... have I been in the man stance where I wasn't sure what I wanted and needed more time- suuuuuure and that is why in a relationship, if we come to that bridge, I'll let you pass and give you all time and space if you ask for it, with no resentment (ps- just don't expect me to wait here for you and get all pissy when I move on). But the ebb and flow, the messing with my heart, the I want you, I am not sure I want you, but I want your time and your heart.... DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. As women, we rock and we deserve better and granted, there will always be that girl waiting in the wings to take your place... but the key to remember is you will always be the woman that said no and walked away, with dignity in tact. Life is too short- let him save the drama for his mamma!!

As for YOU, Rubberband Man- get with the program or get to stepping because your ways are old, and like ALL rubberbands- will eventually breakdown and what will you be left with then, ma dear???

.... flaccidity. LOL

I Choose...

There comes a time in one's life I do believe, that things slow down enough to reflect, to consider where you've been, who you've been, and where you want to be- both on a physical and emotional level. 9 days rambling in another country will do that a bit for you as well. ;)

Introspection is key to progression and while sometimes it can be difficult to be really honest on these levels with oneself, I do think it is important to come to terms with what we are truly living for in our lifetime. Is it the pursuit of money, power, fame... is it to give to others what we have been given... is it to love our family and friends and do the best we can in that pursuit.... is it to give back to those who are without, or are in need? We all have a purpose. A given life of opportunity to create an impact in the world- be it through our children, our personal work, or some other mission we feel compelled to complete. And there within those moments of reflection, it's easy to see where we have went awry and to be blinded or even discouraged by our mistakes which have led us upon a path to our present.

However, in these moments, I do believe it is equally important to learn to let go as well. There are some situations which have passed in my own life which I am not happy, nor proud that occurred, but I took them as they came and did the best I knew how in the midst of the turmoil. During my own heartache and disconnect from the world for a time, I know I hurt people along the way and I think that has been the hardest thing to deal with... even though forgiveness has been shown... the disappointment of letting the people down who were there for you for forever is tough. I have to say, forgiveness is refreshing though and love is a powerful thing, and I am truly blessed for those who are in my life today- new and old- who have helped me overcome, gave me reality checks when I needed them and have loved me even when I have been a complete ass. Hey, it happens... I am so far from perfect, :) but I am grateful. I suppose we all have our moments of 'bumping our heads' and losing perspective at times. It is only human to err. I know I am def a work in progress on that note. ;)

Today, there are some words which sit close to my heart and I wanted to share these thoughts and some words of someone's work I truly admire- Max Lucado. I think the sentiment ties in for most people in life, and not only about the love and forgiveness we show others, but remembering that once you've walked that road, to shed a little upon yourself as well. Life can be hell at times, or at least feel that way, and you just never know who is in the midst of it at any given moment.

Remember: life is short- so love often, freely and immensely, and forgive quickly... no one said it's easy, just what we should try to do each day. ... and thank goodness for all that! :)



I choose peace... I will live forgiven and treat others accordingly. I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose love. No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose to love even those that feel at times unlovable, or that choose to hurt me... even though it is quite the challenge.

I choose kindness... I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I choose goodness... I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice to someone may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer to help me cope. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself to become better.

I choose joy... I will refuse the temptation to be cynical... the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God's push for me to become more.

I choose patience... I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complaining that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to reflect. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose faithfulness... I will be committed to my word and in my deed, to whomever and whenever.

I choose self-control... I will live the best life I can, in the measures which I know will provide for such a life and not abuse the gift of life I have been given.


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He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much; who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether an improved flower, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.

~Bessie Anderson Stanley, 1904

From the Highest City in the World...

I bring you the chronicles of dysentery in Cuzco, Peru! LOL I am actually not kidding, but I'll spare you the details other than to say at about 2am this morning I thought THE ALIEN was going to pop out of my stomach at any moment. I think one of the worst feelings is not being at home and being terribly sick- there is no one to call, no one to comfort you, and besides freaking out! lol there is a lang barrrier in describing what's wrong w/ you. Scary stuff. I am on a couple different medicines now for the next 6 days, and the doc says I am going to be fine taking the meds, but plan on being weak and in pain. Greeeeeeeeeeat way to end a trip, eh??? LOL ;p Oh well....

Machu Picchu was amazing... the feeling of being somewhere so completely ancient and still so intact! I climbed Machu Picchu Mountain, which took me a total of 3 hours!! I was seriously ready to turn back around, after the 40th flight of stone steps. lol At some points, they are so steep and uneven you are literally grabbing at the various rocks to make it up. The Incas were amazing specimens that's for sure!! What incredible strength they had to possess to place all the stones in such a manner up the face of a mountain and we're not talking pebbles here either! Going up, the cloud cover was still pretty thick, pretty crazy to think I finally' literally' had my head in the clouds! lol As was such, you couldn't see too much early in the morning since we had storms the night before, but by about 7am the clouds began to clear and when I descended the mountain, there came into view the full citadel of the Incas. Breath taking and it was there I did a little twirl on that landing (and one for you too Rhe), ate a protein bar and chilled listening to music reflecting. It was crazy peaceful... I didn't encounter anyone on my way up and just a couple of guys on my way down. Simply majestic the views from atop!

Once I made it down, I met a few ladies from England that were looking for the Sun Gate, which is at the end of the Inca Trail and so the three of us journeyed to that spot w/i the city. Needless to say, after 5 hours of trekking up and down friggin rocks, I was spent!! hehe I went to the Citadel to explore and take pics and then back to the bus to Aguas Calientes. Which is where I must have accquired my lil bug I am dealing w/ now. :( After having lunch at Chez Maggy, I boarded the never ending train to Poroy, in which I was in the last train car and I am telling you now- IF I ever ride a train again, it will NEVER be in the back car! lol- it shook me all night long shall we say? lol Back and forth, back and forth... I got off that train w/ a headache that would rival any hangover known to man! uuuuuggggggh. hahaha From Poroy, I got a taxi which took me back into Cuzco.

Now, considering that I have been sick all day!!!! I haven't been able to take any pics of Cuzco to upload tonight, but I am going to try to make it at least into the Plaza de Armas to get some before I leave on my 12:10 flight tomorrow. I feel like I have to push through and try to end this trip on a high note, no matter how miserable I feel. I am just sad I didn't get to tour the museums I wanted to see and the church in the Plaza. :( However, I am grateful for my many moments in meeting new people, seeing breathtaking views and soaking in a culture that, while similar, is still very different... not bad or wrong, just different than my own. I think that is why I love to travel so much. I feel like it opens our eyes to so much, helps us to understand more so who we are at our core, and makes us value that which we hold dear to our hearts and in turn, offering enlightenment to areas we need to improve upon in our own world.

It has been a very different experience than what I had anticipated- not bad at all, just very different than what I thought South America was really like. It is very much still a developing country, by the standards of norms we take for granted in the US. Hot water and electricity that doesn't go in and out, being able to flush toilet paper in a toilet and not worry about it backing up, having washer and dryers readily available in hotels and not having to 'pay' to have someone else do your laundry, heat that works well in a room, etc. The country of Peru is a beautiful place w/ many ecosystems all scattered amongst its landscape, and the beauty of the people and its landscape far outweigh the poverty that can also been seen in the spectrum. I spared not one side, nor the other in my photos... you'll see the beautiful and at times, the ugly, but overall, the spirit of the people is what I will take w/ me in my heart. Never have I met a more hospitable people, or those who are willing to overlook your own shortcomings to help you along your journey. The smiles of the children of Peru will forever make me smile, and the kindness I have been shown along the way by the people I have encountered will forever warm my heart. Peru, even w/ all it's differences holds one very strong commonality, love.

Aguas Calientes isn´t so hot afterall...

As yet again- no internet. lol It´s not that I have to have it, but when you´re suppose to be doing a research paper.. ummm... due next Monday and cannot access your blackboard. yah, it´s a problem! lol I left Olly this afternoon around, well noon... and the train ride was incredible. I wanted to lull off to sleep w- the the rythym (i so know that isn´t spelled right but I couldn´t find spell ck w- the S. American internet portal i am on! lol), but the scenery was so breath taking! Boulders, larger than anything I have ever seen in my life sit within a river the color of jade, while mountains jut up so far that it makes your neck to look that far up! Possibly why they have windows at the top of the train??? hahaha I arrived to find that my transport was not present, as he may arrived any time w- a half hour or so, Latin culture is verrrrrrrrrrry different w- time... the pace is slow. Which is perfectly OK by me IF I am not lugging a backpack and a bolso filled w- goodies for friends and fam. Yah, I looked like a bag lady... a hot sweaty, albeit fairly still cute (if I may say so, as I wasn´t all dirty and such like some bag ladies can be, eh? ... just overloaded), bag lady! hahahaha

So, determined to get where I was going I started up the street from the station, asking locals as I went and surprise! ... of course!.... no one knew where my hostel was. Finally, I popped into a travel agencia and asked... he said he thought it was across the bridge, up the hill and over to the left... mind you this is in all in Spanish, so he may have told me the exact location, but what I got is what I just gave you!!! hahahaha So off I went, my legs burning and my chest feeling as if it might explode, and as of this writing, it still feels pretty tight. While I have not had altitude sickness, as I took certain measures I read about as I have gone along, the air does make it difficult to breathe.

Sometimes, like yesterday, when I climbed ruins in Olly at the top of the mountain, I had to stop multiple times to catch my breathe. I am in awww of older people doing this trip, as it is enough to make you want to go home and sleep for sure. Speaking of sleeping! lol I´ve napped more than I ever have in my life-- you can just call me Albert Einstein (he was known for his sporadic sleep patterns) this week!! LOL Crazy... I´ll lay down after trekking a bit and then get up in a couple hours have a bite to eat, shop, rest and read... check for the internet that never works!! lol and then go have some cafe con leche (OMG THE BEST coffee ever is here!!! nothing will ever compare again... boooohooooo!) and sit and take in the beauty of the people and the surroundings, and then go back to sleep! lol

Anyway... back to the Agua that aint so hot tonight.... the biggest, baddest, darkest, scariest storm I´ve ever seen swept across the mountains tonight, just after I had checked into my hostal ... which btw, has no back to it from the 2nd floor up... yes, completely open, no wall on entire backside of the building. It´s cool...until the storm came! lol You could see the dark looming between the mountains in the distance and the dark streams that one recognizes as rain in the distance. As it came forward, the mountains disappeared in the darkness of the storm, thunder rumbled above me as if God himself was on the roof bowling and lightening sparked like flash photography. It was nuts. All seemed well, until I looked to my left side of my room and water was coming in from somewhere???? lol IDK. Still don´t I just sopped it up w- a towel in my room and figured it was part of my ´backpacking´experience hahahha So needless to say, no hot springs meh.

I did get to see a futbol game tonight inside a lil arena in town and had some great Lomo Saltado ... yummmmy... w- a good cerveza. Did a lil perusing of the town, until I felt as if my lungs might collapse!! ahhahaha and then stumbled across this internet shop... not even a cafe. Think a room the size of bathroom w- a few terminals. HA! After I shut down here, it´s off to bed for me, as I leave to M.P. tomorrow at 5-30am, then back into Aguas to the train station to Poroy, to Cuzco where I´ll be until Saturday. I am thinking as sore as I am now... don´t laugh... you´d be surprise how steep every friggin street and road is in this place!!! ahahha ... I am getting a massage after I get back tomorrow before hopping the train for sure! Hmmm.... Andean massage? don´t know what that means... or a Swedish massage.... choices choices choices! ahahahha I am going to need something for sure!

I miss everyone at this point in my trip terribly. I think it´s being cut off from my phone-- I never realized I am a telephone junkie, but I guess I need my amigos terribly! Anyway, that´s all... gotta get to some homework before this joijnt shuts down.

Chao bbs!!!

Greetings from Ollantaytambo!!!

Thanks for all the sweet words, it was nice to read this morning. I journeyed from Lima yesterday... and it was a bit tough. My Spanish is decent, but in conversation, lacks a bit. I made it, but I had a few "heartattack" moments shall we say? LOL No worries, nothing of the safety sort, just craziness that always seems to happen in my life! hahaha

Well, Lima was simply amazing - the buildings are all so beautiful, the craftmanship and the Spanish style homes and buildings. It was great seeing the city and my friend, Orlando was such a gracious host. I seen so much of the city in one day, my head was spinning. Looks like I won´t be able to upload until maybe tomorrow, or Friday pics however, as internet has been pretty sporadic. Though amazingly I do have cell service here, but it costs me like $2.50 a min!!! So those calls have been reserved for my mom and dad.... Sorry Rhe! ;) I am in a lil internet cafe right now to check mail and obviously jot down some stuff before going to explore some ruins just out of the city.

I am in a town called Ollantaytambo, and it is considered a living city. The town still has all of it´s old world charm, small cobblestone streets and small building... all overshadowed by the beauty of the Andes. As I came in on the bus yesterday- which btw- my taxi driver put me on a locals only bus and part of my heartattack moment yesterday!! - to see countryside and then the mountains come into full view with their snow caps was not only breathtaking, it was moving. Seriously, it brought me to tears thinking of my grandfather and how he would have loved to known that I made it to my destination. I cannot explain how humbling it is to be before these grand features of this country... it truly makes you appreciate life and our Creator.

I have a new found appreciation for the difference b-w my culture and the Latin culture when it comes to personal space!!! I rode on the bus yesterday w- small children and farmers and women in traditional Peruvian dress and w- most of them right on top of me. lol Literally the bus packs in so tight, you feel and smell hehe everyone... the music blasts, the windows are open and the crowd on the bus ebbs and flows together and the crazy driver curves around corners so quickly you think you might just topple the rest of the way over. The children were the most fun to watch... as the bus would approach a stop in the country, the school children would come flying toward the bus laughing and smiling. I think some of my fondest memories of this beautiful country have come from observing people and especially the children... they are so happy and have this wide eye wonder look to them. Its beautiful.

So once I finally figured out that my last stop would not be in Ollantaytambo, but in Urambamba... the heartattack came a bit. I thought to myself, what I have gotten myself into!?? lol Then in all the confusion of realizing I was on a bus w- all locals and hardly anyone spoke Spanish... there is another lang. spoken here, primarily of rural areas... I couldn´t find my change purse w- my money!!! I almost started to cry, and as the bus unloaded I was the last one saying, no, no, no, no, no, no...!! The driver looked to his friend, ¿Ella loca?? I just kept saying necessito un momento, un momento! ahahahhaha I did find my money, I stashed it in another pocket of my back'pack, but waooooooooo! ahahha So I made a mental note to always put it in the same spot going forward!! ahahhah I found a combi (shared taxi) and myself and a young guy from Spain shared it on the way up to Olly.

I checked into my hostal and to my surprise the owner gave me an amazing room that sits up top of the B n B... the views, are amazing and I have a panoramic window. Needless to say, I star gazed while drifting off to sleep. :) The food is so incredibly good here and so friggin cheap, it´s nuts. I met a few people last night, two girls from Greece who had just come up from the Amazon by way of Ecuador and two guys, one from the US and the other from Toronto, they are doing the Inca Trail. We went to a small spot in town and hung out, sharing our journeys and digging the lil spot the two cousins had found before stopping into my hostal for dinner. So much fun- they had a wooden firemans pole that we all kept going down! ahhaha One of the girls tried to go upside down... lol... yah, we´re def having fun!! You´ll see all the pics soon.... it´s hard to describe, but it was like landing in someone´s really cool attic w- tons of stuff to look at and mess w-!! hahaha

Anyway, this is practically a book... is anyone still there??? ahahahahha love you guys and I´ll catch up w- you again soon! I leave tomorrow by train to Aguas Calientes.. a town at the base of Machu Picchu and known for their hot springs! :) Cannot wait to soak my body!! :) Then I´ll take another bus to Machu Picchu at 5:30 am to see the sunrise. Think of me when you wake... I´ll be sending good vibes your way. :) Till next time!

BESOS!
Shalen