Apasionada Viviendo ...

It was one of those nights... I had finished at work early, received some good news and spoke to one of my favorite people... I was on a natural high and I didn't want to go home to do homework- just yet. Ya know, those perfect summer nights.. awesome temp, and an illuminated sky, but with no moon visible ... you just want to soak it in- outside. I rang my cousin, Lee and one of our infamous "chats" began on her porch last night.



You know how you have some people in your life that you can just talk to for hours... about anything and everything and never tire of their company. Someone that makes you think and circle your own thoughts, always to draw a new conclusion. She is definitely one of those people and has been since we were little, sleeping over at each other's houses and talking till the wee hours of the morn. lol Anyway, the conversation was on any number of topics, but mainly on life and challenges, growth, the future, and the possibilities.



I know looking back over the course of the past year, I would never have envisioned being where I am now, feeling what I do today, and wanting what I am about to pursue. The changes that have occurred I didn't see coming.... I know I felt them swirling, but there was no urgency to set them into action. There were several people and circumstatances that changed all of that over this past year, but moreover, at the time, I don't think I had the strength, or the courage emotionally to set out to attain any of it... I just wasn't ready. I think it is only over time that we grow to become who we will venture into the depths of our lives as and it cannot be rushed by any one thing- until we are ready. I am certainly in the here and now of that process, and I do believe, as I expressed to her last night, it can be exciting and all a bit overwhelming at times too.



But all the same, I think life is suppose to be this exciting adventure with all the twists and turns it can throw at you... this is what challenges us and makes us stronger... it pushes us to grow. There is no right or wrong answer... just experience and holding on for the ride! Often times though, and I am certainly guilty of it in various times of my life, we are in such a hurry to rush to the next stage... to be on to the next moment, success, life achievement. Slowing all that down is so hard and yet, very important I am finding. I am grasping the beauty of progression, of embracing every moment, looking at each day as a moment to treasure. Sure it has it's monotony too... that's part of it..... UPS, downs and just the In-BeTwEeN.



There is no manual, no decisive answers as to what you should do, who you should become, or even who you will love... it just flows into your life and sometimes it's not about willing something, or always making it happen. Sometimes, it is solely about what happens to you, and our ability to embrace the moment and doing the best we can. And in the end, having lived with the satisfaction that it was just that... your best and you passionately enjoyed every moment of the ride!







<

A Dress Rehearsal...

I don't know if anyone really remembers "A Different World", but it was the character "Whitley" who was best known for a little crazy saying when she was all out of sorts, or trying to calm others into a state of peace... not to mention her comical body flailing of Relax, Relate, Release! lol Too funny, but it is often what I think of when I consider what needs to be done to release the old and embrace the new. I think as humans we have a hard time letting go, but especially women... old flames; seemingly secure, but dead-end jobs; keep-sakes of moments long gone; friendships which have waned. We search high and low for answers, with none truly to be found. I suppose that is just life sometimes... there aren't always answers to our life's greatest mysteries, only subtle clues. Scattered pieces of a puzzle that for some comes together in a lifetime and for others, they are forever disheveled.

The weight upon a heart when turning over and over circumstance to by chance be offered another view, another turn of events, can nearly snuff out its life. If we ponder deeply upon the 'coulda, woulda, shoulda' of life, we never open ourselves up to the opportunities to make new moments and take those risks which we may have shied away from the first round. They often say "life is not a dress rehearsal", but perhaps it really is just that... perhaps, it is a continuous play but with ever changing characters. Allowing opportunities to enter and enabling change and thus reinventing one's life. To explore all that we have ever dreamed by just letting go of what we thought once was impossible. Possibly life is a dress rehearsal in that we always have the opportunity to make it better, to improve our last performance, to tweak what we might not like in the present.

Once we empower ourselves to change the way we view our lives, stop limiting our possibilities by the extent of reality and expanding it by our dreams, possibly this is when we can truly let go of what has grown old and gray, worn and withered. Whether that is a job, a lover, a friendship, or anything that seems to keep us from tweaking our life to what we always thought it should or could be. It's not an over-night concept, it's not even within a year venture... it is a process of ratification and an outlook that we deserve all we can dream and nothing short of that.

Simply Relax (ing) our mind and beginning to dream again.... Relate (ing) to our world and how we visualize our part in it... Release (ing) what we thought we knew of our life, our future and embracing a world of opportunity. No matter where we 'exist' now in the present, we can transcend any reality we thought we knew by simply letting go of that predisposition and embracing the possibility of whatever we can dream. We have but one life, and only time upon this earth, how sad that we should squander it away by frivolously holding onto what makes us weak in spirit and will and never striving for more than we 'think' we deserve.

After all, it's only a dress rehearsal... we can always change at anytime what ends up in the final show.


"Where there is a will, there is a way. If there is a chance in a million that you can do something, anything, to keep what you want from ending, do it. Pry the door open or, if need be, wedge your foot in that door and keep it open." ~Pauline Kael

Changes...

How life can grip your soul and put you into a tailspin... just when you think you have it all figured out, it changes. New faces appear, as old ones fade away... people you thought you couldn't live without become less integral, and those who make their presence known, you see you could really need. Opportunities won, become moments lost and thus, decisions loom on the horizon. The not knowing is enough to drive even the sane mad, and back again.



Life comes in these crazy stages of change, pushing us out of our comfort zones, making us face our fears and come to see realizations. Things thought to be trite, or never to be possible, all come to pass. Standing in these moments we see the purity of our souls and of those who surround us.... knowing our own weaknesses and seeing theirs in subtle light. Embracing the fragile spirit of humanity, never knowing where one path may take you, and the fear of making the leap.... to step off into the darkness with only our faith to pull us through. Only our inner strength to make us mobile... to propel us forward into the unknown.



In so many ways, and so many times making this leap leads to growth, but it isn't always easy. Never really left alone to figure it all out, a greater source of comfort always present. An understood, but never fully grasped presence which brings ease to the new.... allows the soul to embrace come what may... knowing if you are brought to it, you'll be brought through it. How often do we shirk off the bigger picture of life... the "coincidences" life hands us? Perhaps, nothing is left to chance and yet life is more planned than we care to give pause to, as the thought may actually rock our very core.



For every moment- every heartache and joy; every person who touches our life, gives us just one more piece of our own picture called life. Just perhaps, all the changes that we try to run from or deter, are exactly what we need... their timely occurrence given to us at the appropriate time to make us grow, and again, to push us beyond our comfort zone.... thus, bringing blessings not yet attained. For residing in that comfort zone too long only makes us stagnate and more fearful to move forward with each passing day, turning into years. Life is perceived by our experiences and as perception is our own personal reality, being true or not, we allow it to shape us and mold us into our next moments in time.



Heartbreak can leave us scared, bitter, and unsure of the true intentions of another.... even if it comes with the purity of love. To lose trust in our fellow travelers of life can put us in a place to only view those who cross our paths in gray, versus the vibrant colors of the rainbow which God intended for us all to embrace our fellow man/woman. We become hardened and scared, for the pain at times has been greater than the perceived reward. Yet again, our perception is not always true reality, it is just ours... at the time, in the moment of unknowing what to do, or what will come to pass.



I recently heard a sermon while visiting an friend's church and a key statement that struck me to the core was 'how often do we stand in God's way?' Do we push our own agenda thinking that one path is too scary to pursue, when it has been placed in our life for a reason? Options are given to us for free-will, yet changes forced are when we are not heeding a Higher purpose for our lives. I have had it happen many times... when I wasn't listening to the whisper, shouting came in and change was forced upon me with a new set of circumstances to choose from. I have found listening to that small whisper, like the intuition that a mother possess regarding her children, can allow boundless insights... if we choose to listen and if we are willing to step out in faith.



The hardest part is just letting go and letting God.... in whatever form that takes on, and no matter if you can't see the end or the purpose of the shift in your life, knowing there is a reason and holding on for the ride... that is true faith and what changes are all about. A test of wills and of strength and yet in the end, providing a glimpse of beauty we all possess deep within our souls, and just maybe attaining more than ever imagined possible.

Soul Collective

The soul... a mysterious entity but present nonetheless. The state of depth with which it "lives" on inside of us is not a clear reality, as the abstract of a soul is daunting. Scientists have marveled its mysteries, poets have quipped of its expanse, lovers have sworn by it, religions have tried to save it. It is possessed by one, but can be captured by many.

The course of life allows you to become soul collective, if we are open to it. Taking in what swirls, dances and presents itself before us. The energy that radiates from within, and beams out and back again. One cannot control what a soul feels-- the depth of joy, the ache of pain. Many moments to possess during our journey, to collect and store away... deep into our soul... our life. Allowing those moments to seep deeply into our being... not losing our individuality, but collectively gaining from each. Soul collective... to live in the fullness and the beauty of what life presents to us on the daily, and to tuck away the vibrancy of those moments for a later viewing.

Welcome to Life in Process.